Bandaid butts and Peeing trees

Snow, freaking snow…

2011-01-21T06:58:00.000-05:00

I hate to love snow. I love to look at it. I love to walk in it. I love to eat it. I know, I know, don’t eat the yellow stuff. I do not, however, love to drive in it. If there were no ditches, utility poles, buildings, bridges, other cars, yada yada, then perhaps I wouldn’t mind so much. I enjoy when I make my car slide on purpose. My kind of controlled chaos, I guess.

Today, schools are closed. Woohoo, right? Maybe for my kids but not for myself. I DO have class. Ohio State and Columbus State aren’t closing because that would just be crazy. So, I get to travel on the unplowed roads all the way to downtown and try to avoid the plethora of nutjobs around me.

Bathroom Humor?

2010-09-18T11:37:00.003-04:00

This is still fresh on my mind and I can't help but giggle as I write this.

Yesterday afternoon after school and all the kids were home, I sent them into the kitchen to do the dishes. Now, attached to the kitchen is a multi-purpose room (half bath, pantry, storage, furnace). I was sitting in the living room and listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen. For the most part, it was the norm: arguing, talking, pots clanking, etc. All of a sudden, I start hearing some strange but muffled voice yelling and uncontrollable fits of laughter. I walk in and see Chris and his friend but no Jake. Then, I hear the voice..... coming from the other side of the bathroom door. I found Jacob.... or at least his voice. For reasons still yet to be determined, he was yelling words and phrases. It went like this and in no particular order, "BOWEL MOVEMENT! PUKING MY GUTS UP! FART! FRISKIES, FEED THE SENSES! (don't ask me), FLOWERS AND UNICORNS WITH BOWEL MOVEMENTS!" I wish I could upload the voice recording I got of this because I almost peed my pants listening to his cartoonish bathroom tyrade with himself.

Bloody Halloween 2009

2009-11-01T21:20:00.002-05:00

So, Halloween was a bloody one this year.... at least in my house. First, the 12 year old wanted to be Jason (last minute idea) and by the grace of God, found a hockey mask and knife. Much to his chagrin, I was unable to find a machete. The nine year old wanted to be a vampire AGAIN. Except this year, she wanted to be a scary one. Unfortunately, she also wanted a cape WITH a hood. Seeing as one was not available in any discount OR thrift store, I had the daunting task of making one without a pattern. Luckily, though, I had a good sized piece of black velvet fabric at home. Guess that means there is one bright side to buying fabric you don't have any real need for or plans for anywhere in the near future. I think I bought that as a remnant well over a year ago. ANYWAYS, I was successful in the cape endeavor even though I had a battle of wills with the sewing machine. Maybe that's what I get for buying one and not taking it out of the box until the day I absolutely need to get something done. Either way, she loved the cape and it pulled a double shift on Saturday because I also wore it later that night (absolutely no pictures were taken of me and the cape). So, two down just one costume left....

The ten year old wanted to be a ZOMBIE, a zombie Lawyer to be exact. That definitely called for a trip to the thrift store. 'Cause let's face it, who wants to ruin a perfectly good suit (not that he had one) with a butt ton of fake blood. So, found a nasty yellow plaid button up shirt and a gray suit jacket (with flecks of pink, blue and purple too). Heaven help me, they did not look good together but he's a lawyer AND a zombie right? Only one thing left... a tie. I don't know that I have ever seen so many @$$ ugly ties in one place in my entire life. So, which do we pick out? This putrid pukish pink thing with some print I could not quite identify.

The kids get home from school and we show them the goods, 12 yr old is ecstatic over the mask and knife. 9 yr old is absolutely loving the cape and costume. 10 yr old gives me this WTF look. I make him try it on and explain that there's gonna be a TON of make up and some fake scar skin and blooooooooooooooood. He's loving it by then. So, trick or treat comes around and they are all in their costumed glory. "Jason" is scaring little kids and Vampira is still too cute and giggly to really pull off the fangs. Zombie Lawyer? He went above and beyond the "call of duty". He did the "zombie walk" to every house. He moaned "trick or treat" and even "have a nice day". He "zombie stumbled" off the porches and by the end of the night was zombie mumbling "If you need a lawyer, call me!"

Crochet Hook size K travels with me

2009-03-11T14:57:00.002-04:00

Crochet hook size K
I have no idea why it is in there at this moment unless one of my children was using it as a stylus for the DS.

Wallet
Duh

Hemp Necklace
I took it off at the mall the other day and stuck it in my purse

Taylor Swift CD
I was listening to it at work.

Pink CD
I was listening to it at work.

Two ink pens
If I don't stick them in my puse when I leave work, they are not there when I return the next day.

Mary Kay Compact
So I can touch up my make up when I ever decide to wear any.

Perfume
So, I can put it on and smell good.

Various Receipts
So I do not lose them.

A Must See (for me anyways)

2009-03-10T10:21:00.003-04:00

I have recently been informed (by my favoritest aunt) about a movie called "Repo: The Genetic Opera". In reading the comments and reviews, I am totally stoked about it. Who wouldn't want to watch something right up there with Rocky Horror? Anyways, just a short quip. Here's the link if you are so inclined to click it:

http://www.repo-opera.com/

Smartical Sunday

2009-03-09T09:27:00.002-04:00

I am beat! Yesterday seemed like the longest Sunday ever. I forgot that Daylight Savings Time started Sunday. I woke up at six o'clock (thank you cell phone gods). At seven, I made yet another batch of brownies for the bake sale at the wrestling tournament. I had to get my three very grouchy children up and moving so we could leave the house by eight, (which by the way, did not go as planned but we still made it to the tournament with plenty of time to spare). I spent the majority of the day going in two different directions. Don't know what I was thinking to volunteer to work the concession stand. I'd work there until Coach would tell me Maddie/Jacob was about to wrestle. I'd run into the gym and cheer on my kid, (showing what a big loud mouth mama I am). That done, I'd run back to the concession. Back and forth my afternoon went. I handed out trophies and medals. I had the honor of putting the medal around Jacob's neck, 4th place at his first tournament!!! I was also equally proud of Mads. Although she did not win any match, she managed to score six points in her first match and I give major kudos for that. Her shining moment, however, was the fact that after her second match (and she lost 6-0), she walked away with the biggest grin on her face!!

On a totally unrelated note, here is the link to one of my favoritest bloggers ever:

http://carrieharrisbooks.blogspot.com/2009/03/snarfy-subtitle-contest.html

Today...

2009-02-25T13:23:00.002-05:00

Never in a million years did think I would be who/where I am today. Today, I am a single mother of three of the finest children. I fight to keep my head above water and still on my shoulders (even though it may sit a little crooked). I never thought I could surpass all of the hurdles life has thrown in my path... but I have.

For all the things that have happened, I wouldn't change a thing. It would make me a different person and even the slightest deviance from the path I have taken would alter my life drastically. Had I left sooner, I might not have the glorious beings that are my children (not all of them anyways). I wouldn't know that you really do see stars if you get hit hard enough. I used to think it was a cartoon thing.

Today, I know that I am strong in the presence of adversity. I can prevail. I will not let the negativity that surrounds me change the positive outlook I fight to maintain. I am determined to give my children the world, to go to every practice, meet and tournament. I will learn from them whatever they try to show me. I will support them in whatever they do in life. They will know they are always on my mind and in my heart. I will be both mother and father even if I get red in the face over certain "things".

It's a.... HAT??

2009-02-23T10:24:00.005-05:00

I was browsing the internet Friday afternoon in search of a new, cool crochet pattern. Wasn't quite sure if I was looking for a hat, a scarf, an afghan or what. Then I came across this pattern. It is a hat pattern called Totally Looped. I thought it would be a hoot to make. So, that evening during the scary movies my stepmom and I were determined to watch, I started. My goal was to get it finished by Sunday. I do not have pictures to post yet but I will so bear with me. In the meantime, I have posted the link to the pattern and site. Just try to imagine the hat in all black. We all looked like we had an afro.

http://patbythehook.blogdrive.com/archive/2.html

I think I'm gonna use that same technique and make some rugs. It's gonna take a lot of yarn though. The hat alone took an entire 8 oz skein!!

Go Girl! Don't Take Life Sitting Down!!

2009-02-18T09:55:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I heard about this on the radio this morning. I think it's freaking hilarious!! A female urination device? I love the fact that it is promoted because of its convenience for "active" women. Oh, and for those times when you are in a place that is less than sanitary. Of course, all I could think was "Finally, I too can pee standing up and write MY name in the snow!"

Ok, so what’s a GoGirl?
Simply put, GoGirl is the way to stand up to crowded, disgusting, distant or non-existent bathrooms. It’s a female urination device (sometimes called a FUD) that allows you to pee while standing up. It’s neat. It’s discrete. It’s hygienic. (more)

For more info, go to http://www.go-girl.com

Blogless

2009-02-05T08:32:00.002-05:00

Okay, so my goal this year was to blog everyday. How I thought I could think of something to write about 365 days in a row, I will never know. Today, I have an utterly and completely blogless brain. I didn't even have an eventful evening. Because of school being closed, wrestling practice got cancelled. Totally bummed Jakes out. I did get my new crochet book in the mail. Oh how I love Amazon.com and online shopping. I love how I can secretly gift things to poeple I love and they don't know it until BOOM they get the package and are like "WTF?". It's like sending flowers but WAY better. Don't get me wrong. I am a huge supporter of flower sending. I just don't receive flowers but once in a blue moon.

Anyways, like I said before, I don't really have anything blogworthy to say. Just some very random thoughts.

Greener Grass

2009-02-04T08:27:00.003-05:00

I know it is only the beginning of February but.... isn't it spring yet? I am so tired of looking out my window, any window (the scenery doesn't change), and seeing the vast blinding white blanket of snow EVERYWHERE. My children have used up eight snow days or as they are referred to now "calamity days". They love snow days but at the same time realize that any more snow days will cut short their spring break and/or make their school year run longer into the summer.

I get an phone call at 5:30 this morning. It's that lovely automated "one call" saying school is on a two hour delay. I think, okay not a big deal. I can still take the kids to SchoolWatch (the before and after care) because their hours do not change during a delay. I just have to stop and get them something they can eat for breakfast at school. Get the kids up and tell them about the delay. No surprise to them. They were pretty sure last evening that school would be on a delay.

As we leave the house, I tell them we have to stop and get breakfast. More importantly, I wanted a mocha. When we arrive at the gas station/coffee shop, I order my coffee and the kids spread out to pick out what they want for breakfast. I guess I should add that normally my children eat breakfast at school and it is provided ny the school. Anyways, the barrista and I are chatting about school when she mentions that they announced school had closed a few moments ago. I could not believe it. I get out the trusty cell and call my SchoolWatch lady. She confirms school just closed.

I pay for my coffee, go round up my children and tell them the breaking news. Again, they were not terribly surprised. We pack up in the car and head back to the house where I have to make alternate plans for my day.

I'd love to go visit the greener grass on the other side. Sadly, I cannot manage to locate ANY grass right now.

Wrestler Moms??

2009-02-03T08:23:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I know there are soccer moms out there but are there wrestling moms out there?? Jakes started wrestling about two weeks ago. His first time at practice, he had to go up against a girl. He didn't know what to do, lol. He was afraid to wrestle her for fear of hurting her and he unfortunately did not pin her. Of course, the other boys there start ribbing him like boys do because he got bested by a girl. After practice and as we are walking out, he is downtrodden about the whole thing. I never thought I would say to my son, "You have to treat her like one of the boys".

Somehow, that one sentence made something inside of his head click. I say this because at practice last night (mind you, we've only had two practices because of the LOVELY weather we had), Jakes had to wrestle another girl. I'm sitting there on the bench with Chris and Maddie watching and laughing when I realize "Oh ___, a girl. So, after they shake hands and start the match, I am cheering and shouting "Go for the legs! Go for the legs!' Apparently, the girls' mom was sitting right next to me.... tee hee.

Such an awesome moment. Almost as good as when Jakes threw his first perfect spiral in football (and I taught him how). YAY!!!

FYI, during the whole practice, Maddie and Chris are watching. Mads decides she wants to wrestle (it's fleeting and will pass). Although, that would be quite comical to watch. I say this because my daughter is such a flirt. She was smiling and giggling at the boys there. Chris only wants to wrestle because it looks like fun but he doesn't want to wrestle because he thinks it would hurt.

The Frozen Can

2009-02-02T09:39:00.005-05:00

I remember loving, LOVING snow as a kid. Couldn't wait for a ton of snow to fall and school to be closed. Now, as an adult? I hate it!! I don't like driving in the snow.. or the ice.. or the freezing rain. I don't like shoveling my driveway in the morning and evening (because if I don't, I WILL get stuck). I realize how much frozen precipitation (no matter how pretty) can throw the biggest wrench in my schedule.

Until it happens, you don't really think about all the possible things that can go wrong. I don't mean getting stuck in the snow because as I stated before, for me that is a given. I don't mean slipping on the ice, which by the way can be fun especially when you have an big yellow lab on the other end of the leash. I mean things like my trash can literally encased in ice on my back patio.

Trash night at my house is Sunday night. So, last night I am dragging the cans through the snow and ice out to the curb. I go back for that one lone trash can, grab it and it will not move. I think, OK kick the ice around the bottom of the can to break it, right? Well, sort of. I broke something all right, the bottom of the trash can. Did not damage the ice in any way, shape or form. Ok, what else? Beat the crap out of the ice with a snow shovel!! Should have remembered that my aim is not top notch. I hit the trash can and put another hole in the bottom of it. At this point, my hands are frozen and I am at my wits end. I GIVE UP!! I go inside and decide that even though I still have a full trash can on my back patio, it is too cold outside for it to start smelling. Right??

The Day After Tomorrow ALREADY?

2009-01-16T15:16:00.003-05:00

I could have sworn I lived in Ohio. I know the winters get cold but this is ridiculous! I shouldn't wake up to the thermometer outside saying it is -9 degrees outside. I know, I know it's not as cold here as it is other places. Read my lips... I DON'T CARE ABOUT OTHER PLACES RIGHT NOW. When it's so cold they cancel school, albeit last minute and I have to turn around and drive back to school to pick my kids up, because the buses won't start. That's too cold. God knows my car doesn't like to functionally properly when its cold. Shoot, it doesn't even want to start. I mean, the key won't turn because the ignition switch is too flippin' cold!
I get to work, for the second time this morning. Remember, I had to turn around and head back to the school to pick up the heathens that are my children. Gues what? The furnace at work is malfunctioning as well. I know it is a heck of a lot warmer in here but 52 degrees is still not what I would consider comfortable. My hands don't like to type when it drops down below 65. I am typo central today. Freaking Murphy's Law.

All I can say is the Gods are not smiling down on me today. They are laughing hysterically at me.

The Dentist

2009-01-15T15:13:00.004-05:00

Met the new dentist Wednesday and I must say I was impressed. He is very personable and my kids loved him, all three of them. Of course, Chris is up first and surprise, surprise he needs a filling or two. We knew that was coming. He'd already had one filling fall out. But other than that, things are looking pretty good. Jakes is up next. He hops up there and the doc takes a look. We briefly discuss Jakes' past encounter with the golf club and how that seems to be progressing. Yay! No worries as of yet, just a bicuspid in earlier than normal. Tenderness on the scar is normal. No cavities, nothing. Phew! Two down, one to go. My Maddie Girl is the last one in the chair. She opens up her mouth and shows her snaggle tooth grin. She is eight, remember? Dox takes a look, sees no cavities and says from what he can see (because she's missing a few front ones still) things are on the up and up.

Can't wait for next month. dun dun dun, my turn..... BLECH!

Two Face and a Bloody Nose in the New Year

2009-01-07T08:35:00.006-05:00

I cannot believe 2008 is now last year. December seemed to go by so fast. I am now the Mom of an almost teenager. Yep, Chris turned twelve on the first. Soon, he will be shaving. The thought alone makes me cringe and shiver. The boy already has a mustache and has been wanting to shave for a couple of months now but I have been adament in my decision to continually say no. I mean, I'm gonna have to read up on how to teach a twelve year old how to shave off facial hair. Shoot, I still have no clue how to approach the "other" topic needing to be discussed. Even when I figure that one out, I'll still be fighting to keep my cookies in my stomach and not be completely and thoroughly red in the face. Just the other day, he was talking about how he's going to have a whole collection of girlfriends. Two months ago, I would never have pictured him wanting a harem. Now Jacob, I could absolutely picture that. In kindergarten his goal was to kiss NINETY-NINE girls on Valentine's Day. Chris, however, I never woulda thought.

Not sure how I got on that way in left field tangent. Can you tell what's on my mind lately? Anywho, I got a lovely three o'clock in the morning wake up. Poor Jakes is sitting next to me on my "princess" bed with blood all over one side of his face. . So, my bleary eyed self quickly tries to clear the fog from my mind and make sense of his semi-incoherent, half asleep babble. Some time during the course of the night, his nose gushed. No idea why. I clean his face, get him into some clean pajamas, strip the bed of the bloody sheets, get him into my bed and try to go back to sleep. Of course, two hours later the alarm goes off and its time to get up. I DRAAAG my butt out of bed and go directly to the magical machine that feeds my morning monster, aka the coffe maker. A half an hour later, he wakes up all bright eyed and bushy tailed, gets dressed and proceeds to tell me he had a weird dream. Something about us living in Florida and going to the store where all of the items were not on the shelf but piled on the floor instead. And there were people everywhere all confused because nobody knew how much anything cost. Apparently, it abruptly ended right there. Then, on the way to school, he tells Chris and Mads that he woke up feeling like Two Face from Batman because one side of his face felt all gooey and gooshy<~his new word.

Hello Hump Day!!

Calvin and the Snowmen

2008-12-23T09:46:00.004-05:00

I received an email this morning and suddenly had visions of what my yard would very possibly look like if enough snow were to fall. I have to say, first of all, I love Calvin and Hobbes. I totally relate to Calvin.

I also see a huge similarity between Calvin and My ten year old son, Jakes. He has such a demented, sarcastic sense of humor. There is no denying it, the child is one of my offspring and I know, given enough snow, my yard would reflect a mirror image of the comic strips also posted.

The Ten Things That Make Me...

2008-11-11T08:42:00.003-05:00

I saw this on Yahoo and thought this would be ...informative?

Ten Things that make me a "traditional" woman:

1. I cook dinner nearly every night.
2. I wash the dishes and do the laundry.
3. I love to bake.
4. I can knit, crochet, quilt, cross stitch and sew.
5. I like getting dressed up.
6. I prefer to let someone else drive.
7. I love happy endings and cry during romantic movies.
8. I love, LOVE shoes.
9. I love being a mom.
10. I like bubble baths, painting my toe nails and smelling girly.

Ten Things that are not traditional:
1. I can change the oil and fix a flat tire.
2. I love power tools and know how to use them.
3. Dirty jokes rock!
4. I belch and fart.
5. I don't wear make up very often.
6. Blood, guts and gore are the bomb.
7. I know how to make bullets and shoot a gun.
8. I like football and hockey.
9. I know where the alternator and starter are in my car.
10. I like getting filthy dirty.

What about you??

Shopping Cart Mishap

2008-11-10T10:25:00.004-05:00

Here's what happens when you don't "batten down" the hatch!! So funny

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/3826981/10465439

Elementary Democracy

2008-11-04T10:24:00.002-05:00

As with all children, they surprise you every day. My children are no different in that respect. However, the things my chldren are learning at school amazes me. I remember my first mock election in school and that was in seventh grade. My children are having mock elections in 3rd, 4th and 5th grades. They like to discuss who they think will be the best president and why they think that. Of course some of their reasoning is a little off base. My daughter thinks if one candidate is elected, he will ban video games. One of my sons thinks if a certain candidate is elected, he will invite terrorists and give healthcare to... well, we'll just say people from other countries. The amazing thing is how united they are in who they want to be president and if he doesn't win, they want to move to China. Why China? Of all the other places they could choose, I have no idea why they want to move there.
We had Parent-Teacher conferences last night. Walking down the halls, I was astounded with the decorations everywhere. All red, white and blue... Vote!!

Cereal.... One and a Half Feet Under

2008-11-03T10:35:00.003-05:00

I planned on having a garden next year but now I must rethink my planting strategies. I now have cereal buried in my yard, Cocoa Pebbles to be precise. Saturday night, around nine thirty, I go out on the porch and ,(like always), my cats come a runnin'. Before I know it, I hear a sickening thunk as a car is passing by. I look out and see some poor animal flailing its legs trying to stand up. Suddenly, it dawns on me that I am minus one cat on the porch. So I start calling for my missing cat at the same time another car hits the now dead animal on the road. I run out, with only socks no shoes, onto the road and determine that the poor formerly flailing creature is one of ours. I pick her up off the road and lay her gently on the grass. It broke my heart to have to tell my daughter. "Why couldn't it have been one of the strays?" she tearfully asked. All I could say as I held my sobbing daughter in my arms is sometimes things happen for a reason even if we don't understand it. Needless to say, I thought it best to bury the cat as soon as possible. It was certainly something I would not suggest. Apparently, as I soon found out, digging a hole in the dark is one thing, but burying something is far more difficult. I couldn't tell til the next day if I had actually covered her up, which I did, but now I have a cat buried in my backyard, her name? Cocoa Pebbles.

I've gotta make this

2008-10-24T10:31:00.003-04:00

But who to give it to? That's the real question.

http://www.crochetville.org/forum/showpost.php?p=1159764&postcount=1

It's getting hot in here!!

2008-10-24T08:05:00.002-04:00

Woo Hoo!!! I FINALLY have heat in my house and its actually coming from my furnace. Yay me!! I think the Furnace Guy thought I had lost my mind because I was jumping up and down, just absolutely giddy over the new state of my furnace. After about an hour, I even had to turn the thermostat down! Seems trivial, I know but when you've gone a week without heat (although, my dad did let me borrow a kerosene heater which helped tremendously to take the chill off the house at night), you realize how you unwittingly take certain things for granted. Have I learned MY lesson. Anyways, jsut wanted to get the goofy but still giddyness (spelling??even a real word?) out of my system so as my coworker (yes just one coworker) and my boss don't think me any stranger than they already do.

I know, I know, major runon sentence. I can hear my eighth grade English teacher in my head now. Gotta love Mrs. Eisenhardt.

Questions, questions, questions

2008-10-22T08:07:00.004-04:00

First off, I must say I love my daughter. I cannot imagine my life without her. She's always asking questions, pretty much since the first time she could form a coherent sentence. Generally, I can come up with a fairly reasonable explanation. Unfortunately, some of her questions seem to require a more creative answer. For example, "Why do we pee and poop?". The response would have been much easier, (being that I am a science geek), had she been older. She was four then. This was around the same time she wanted to know what a radiator was and why we needed them, why we need bones, what's inside our skin, cheeks, gum, etc.

Nowadays, her questions are of the future. Case in point, one day (at the age of six), she was in the room when I was changing clothes. She asks, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have bigger boobies than you?" The only response I could think of was "Honey, I sure hope so." She also wants to know when she can get a tattoo, a tongue ring, her belly button pierced, change her hair color, etc. This all from an eight year old. I give her the same reply every time and she is not terribly thrilled with it... "When you're eighteen and you can afford to pay for it yourself."

I am not against tattoos, piercings, hair color and all that jazz but if I had to wait to alter my appearance so can she. I have somehow kept it secret from her that I started coloring my hair when I was fourteen and boy was my mom not a happy camper. Of course, it looked atrocious. I mean, dull and @#!* brown but that's what you get when you buy the two dollar stuff with absolutely no conditioner, right? Thankfully, I learned my lesson about conditioner and have become quite selective about what goes on my head. What's sad is when I am washing Fred's hair, she instructs me on how to apply the conditioner. Apparently, she has been reading the back of the bottles and who knows what else but she firmly believes she is a fountain of information when it comes to hair care. Anyone know what I can get her to read in the way of color coordination and fashion sense?

Urgent Care Fun

2008-10-21T08:16:00.003-04:00

Went to Urgent Care yesterday and had to take my kids with me. Boy, was that an adventure. Thought I had a UTI. So, after I pee in the cup and the nurse says "FYI, we are going to do a pregnancy test. It's routine." Fred aka Maddie says "Mommy, what happens if it says you are pregnant?" I said, "Baby, you'll have to pick Mommy up off the floor when I wake up." Again she asks, "But, what happens if you're pregnant?" My response was, "Then life will be even more interesting than it already is." I'm thinking "Yep, because immaculate conception, are there any actual documented cases?" Mind you, while she's persistantly asking this question, my sons are spinning around in a chair, trying on gloves, dancing like fools and whatever else they can think of to keep themselves occupied.

Note To Self---Next time, don't take my kids to the doctor with me.

Will I be sleeping alone tonight....

2008-10-20T11:12:00.003-04:00

Will I be sleeping alone tonight? That's the question of the day. All weekend long, I have shared my bed with more than one person, my children. Thankfully, my eldest child, Chris, is his own furnace and has been since the day he was born. Friday morning, I realized my furnace was not working quite right. I had it set at 68 and it was reading a temp of 57. A lil bit nippy in my house that morning. So, I called the landlord when I got to work. He said he'd have someone come out and take a look. Well, about 3:30 that afternoon, he calls me back to tell me that they have to order a part and it won't be in until Monday. I'm thinking "This really sucks big one!". So, I get off work, go pick up the kids and tell them it's gonna be a long COLD weekend. I know its supposed to drop into the thirties this weekend but no big deal, I'll just bake some bread. Friday night, I think I had Maddie in bed with me. Saturday, I go to make bread and I can't even get the house warm enough to get the dough to rise. (Are you kidding me?). We go to the bowling alley for a birthday party and by that time it's starting to warm up outside. Saturday, I had Jacob AND Maddie in bed with me. Now, I only have a full size bed. Things were a little cramped. Sunday, wasn't much warmer during the day but it felt better outside of my house than it did in. We go to bed that night and I only have Jacob in there with me. Sometime during the night, Maddie came down and asked some question, (I have no idea what it was. I was very incoheret at that point.) I told her to ask me later and just crawl in bed with me. All I can say is, at least I got a couple hours of solid sleep before my covers got stolen, I got elbowed and kneed COUNTLESS times and can't even remember how many times my arm fell asleep. I can only hope that by the time I get home this evening, my furnace will be fixed and I can sleep ALONE tonight.

Scarves

2008-10-17T10:28:00.000-04:00

Over the last couple of weeks, I have found the need to "quiet my mind" after the kids have gone to bed. As much as I'd rather have a stiff drink, the thought of drinking alone depresses me even more. Needless to say, I have turned to one of my good ole granny hobbies, crocheting. Whether they know it or not, everyone I know is getting something crocheted for Christmas. Most are getting scarves, frankly because they are easy, quick and don't require much yarn. I seem to have inherited quite an assorted variety of yarn over the last couple of years. Sadly, most of it is in small quantities and unless I want to make a "scrappy" afghan, I have to find other uses. So, I figured "Why not take advantage of the season and holiday to come, right?". I sat down and made a mental list of all the projects I could make...scarves, hats, mittens, gloves, fingerless gloves (the boys each want a pair of them), shrugs, short wraps, pillows, etc etc. Every night (or so it seems), I am up until about 12:30 am, sitting on my couch crocheting something different. No real thought required, just counting. It's my escape from reality. Don't have to worry about the future or the size of my next paycheck. I don't have to ponder whether the self serving, assinine jackass I divorced will ever call or be responsible enough to EVER pay child support again. Nope, none of that. Just me and my project, mind numbingly counting away. Now, I just have to figure out what to make for each person. That is my most daunting task and I'll probably be down to the wire on that one.

I am SOL

2008-10-16T16:15:00.000-04:00

You know, if I didn't like certain parts of the male anatomy soooooo much, I'd seriously consider switching teams. Maybe, I'll just abstain from any thought/activity/movie/book/etc that is even remotely carnal. Problem, what happens with my dreams? Can't control them.

Was watching a movie last night and it had the best line. "Sex complicates things. Having sex complicates things. Not having it still complicates things." If that isn't the truth, I don't know what is. Why can't I just go back to when life (in regards to the opposite sex) was so much simpler. Wait a minute... I wasn't so good with the boys then either. OMG!! I'm SCREWED, but not in a good way.

Whispers Goodnight

2008-10-16T12:08:00.000-04:00

The other night, while kissing my children good night, I felt the need to whisper something for each of them to remember. To each of my sons, I said, "When you are big and strong and become a man, I hope you find the one who makes you truly happy and don't let go. Love 'em with all your heart and let them know they are loved." To my daughter, I said, "When you are all grown up and are a strong, beautiful woman, I hope you find the one who makes you truly happy and don't let go. Love them with your whole heart and don't hold back."

Of course, Jacob (my quiet one), knows something is up with mom and asks me what the matter was. As always, I said it was nothing and not to worry about it. I just wanted them to know that "happily ever after" does exist if you give it a chance.

My kids know that I won't ever get married again. My daughter realizes that she won't ever have a little sister or brother. My sons know they are the men in my life. Although I cannot figure it out, somehow I missed the opportunity for my happily ever after. Unless, my tale is still unfinished and I am not through "kissing toads". Just the thought of enduring more of that makes my heart cringe.

The Peeing Tree

2008-10-09T16:09:00.000-04:00

Before it was cut down a few days ago, there stood a tree in my backyard. It did not consist of much more than a very short trunk and two barren branches. The tree was in the shape of a "Y". This was the tree our dog, Bacon, used to be tethered to. My son, Jacob, loved this tree. He loved to stand with a foot on each branch and feel like "King" of the yard.

I was out sitting on my side porch one day watching my children play. Sitting, reminiscing about my childhood and how Missy and I used to play in and around the trees and shrubs. I don't know what made me look toward that tree at that exact moment, but nevertheless, I did. I could not quite comprehend what I was seeing for a moment. All I could see was the back of Jacob standing in the tree. It looked like he was spraying some kind of liquid. THEN, it dawned on me just what my child was doing....PEEING. Peeing from up in the tree. He almost got the dog, too. I called Jake's name and asked him what he thought he was doing. His response was a giggle and a devilish grin. I said, "Jacob, are you peeing?". He shouted, "No, I'm FERTILIZING!".

In the weeks that followed, Jacob made a point to let me know every time he was peeing from within the confines of the tree. When they cut the tree down the other day, which happened to be the same day Maddie got strep, he was so completely bummed. He no longer had his "peeing tree". There are plenty of other trees in our yard but he says no other tree is just right for the job.

Bandaid Butt

2008-10-08T16:22:00.000-04:00

I started my morning yesterday just like any other. Wake up at five thirty, hop in the shower, have my coffee, yada yada. At six thirty, like always, I go upstairs to rouse my children for school. I get halfway up the stairs when I hear, "Mommy, my throat hurts." I'm thinking, "Ya gotta be kidding me". So, I get my Maddie Girl dressed, wake up her brothers, Chris and Jake, and head her down the stairs. What do I need to do first? Take her temperature. Can I find the thermometer? Of course not!! So, what symptoms do I know for sure... her throat hurts and she's a little warm. I get her to open her throat and say AAAH when I almost got knocked over by morning breath. New plan, FLASHLIGHT. By this time, Chris and Jake are downstairs. I've got the flashlight and I'm shining it at the back of her throat but all I can see are what I think are tonsils. Okaaaay, boys come here and let me see your throats. I compare their "healthy" throats to Maddie's and realize, "Houston, we have a problem." Dare I say STREP??

So, I take the boys to school and come home. Call work and say I have to take my daughter to the doctor and don't know when/if I will be in that day. Schedule an appointment with a doc and make some more coffee. The time finally rolls around to go to the doctor's office, a new doctor I should add. So, I'm not quite sure what to expect. The nurse calls us back, checks Maddie's vitals, looks at her throat, comments on her tonsils and tells me she's gonna have to do a strep culture. I explain it to my girl so that she understands. The nurse comes in, does her thing and even brings Mads a sucker. Next thing you know, she comes back and says yep its strep and the doctor will be in shortly.

Would you believe the doctor really was in there within just a few minutes? He looks her over, we talk about what course of treatment to take and then we discuss her brief medical history. It didn't take long for me to realize that he is one of those doctors you don't come across very often. He says he'd like to send her to a nephrologist at Cincinnati Children's just to make sure her kidney problems from the past are nothing to be concerned about given our family history, (my uncle just recently had a kidney transplant and my grandpa used to have kidney problems). It didn't take long for us both to realize that he is also the doctor who will be in charge of my five year old niece's treatment of I-Cell disease, (ML II).

Anyways, I told Maddie she would be getting a shot. With some apprehension, she agreed that it would be better than having to take medicine for ten days. The nurse comes in, sits down and asks my little girl if she knew what was going to happen. She took the time to explain and demonstrate EXACTLY what they were going to do. She leaves and comes back with the syringe and another nurse, (who was just as wonderful). They get Mads up on the "bed", I hold her hand, they clean her lil butt cheek, and she gets the shot. Yes, she cried that it hurt but she didn't try to stop them or move. They put a bandaid on her butt, a Dora bandaid, and Maddie laughed when I told her she could sit on Dora's head for the rest of the day.

That afternoon, we go pick up the boys from school and she told them what had happened that day. Of course, as soon as Jacob found out Mads had a bandaid there, for the rest of the day, he called her "Bandaid Butt".